Death of the English language
August 2010 |
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Written English is even worse. Now, I appreciate how delicate I have to be here; I have to try and write this entire article using perfect spelling, grammar and punctuation so I don’t look like a complete retard (did you notice the use of the semi-colon though?)
Punctuation is something that can be open to interpretation to a certain extent. However, there are some clear cut rules that nobody seems to learn at school.
For example, I’ve always had a problem with people who don’t know the difference between “its” and “it’s”. “Your” and “you’re” are similarly misused and “their”, “there” and “they’re” seems to be beyond the concept of even people who are deemed academically bright.
It really is not that difficult. In its simplest form “its” is a possessive of the pronoun “it”. It can signify ownership or relation. “It’s” is an abbreviation of “it is” or “it has”. The same rule applies to “your” and “you’re”: The latter is simply abbreviating the words “you are”.
“They’re” is always a contraction of “they are.” If you’ve written “they’re,” ask yourself whether or not you can substitute it for the words “they are.” If you can’t, you’re using the wrong word. “Their” is a possessive pronoun in the same way that “its” and “your” both are. Basically you use it when describing people in the third person. Everything else is “there”. Are you with me so far?
Many people appear to be confused by apostrophes. This simple punctuation mark is only used to abbreviate words (that means omitting one or more letters by the way) and marking possessives. For example, an apostrophe can be used to shorten “we are” to “we’re”, which of course is a completely different word to “were”. As an example of its use as marking a possessive, consider the sentence “the prat’s bad English”. This signifies a single prat is bad at English as opposed to multiple prats being bad at English which would of course be "the prats' bad English".
Admittedly I don’t think I was ever taught any of this at school, probably because teachers aren’t (or are not) actually allowed to teach any more in case they get sued for bullying. Possibly because the school I went to was rubbish and the teachers were all incompetent spanners. Nevertheless, I picked things up by reading and by using something that seems to be a dead art: Common sense.
You don’t (or do not) need to have a degree in English language to be able to construct a decent written sentence. Hell, if someone were to ask me to describe in detail nouns, pronouns, reflexive pronouns, verbs, adverbs and adjectives I wouldn’t (or would not) have a clue.
An example of how bad things are was demonstrated to me recently by a well known Bank who also sponsors McLaren and Ferrari in Formula 1. They sent what I assume to be a standard stock compliment slip which read “Dear Customer, please find enclosed you’re stationary request.”
Are you serious? These are the people we are entrusting our money to. I know that they are Spanish but surely they have English people working for them? People who must have had a good enough education to get a job in one of the world’s largest banks?
If you are reading this and don’t understand what I’m on about then let me explain: The letter basically reads “Dear scum whose name isn’t worth knowing. Please find enclosed you are standing still request.”
I was in a restaurant a few weeks ago and looking at some of the items on the specials board. I was appalled by the big colourful chalk text that was advertising “a wide range of curry’s”. A wide range of the curry’s what? How many curries? Just the one? Shocking. You would have thought it was necessary for a professional sign writer to be literate. It's (or it is) only their job after all.
Sadly technology is partly to blame for the deterioration in basic spelling. In fact I’m surprised more fuss hasn’t been kicked up by this yet.
Spelling and grammar checkers on computers mean that people don’t actually need to learn how to spell any more; the computer will fix it for them. More often than not a word processor will automatically fix a spelling mistake during the typing process so the user isn’t even aware they made a mistake.
It’s the same on mobile phones. Predictive text is making things a lot easier for people and the whole “text speak” is just making people plain lazy.
The idea behind text speak derived from the early days of texting when mobile phone companies charged by the letter. People shortened words and replaced certain combinations of letters with similar sounding digits to save time and money. Despite this method of charging not being applied any more, this unintelligible method of writing sadly still exists.
Without wanting to appear to be sexist in any way, it has to be said that females are the worst culprits of this. U C I ave ths m8 who iz a grl n she wll txt me syin r u out 2nite n it tkes ages b4 i gt 2 wrk out wht the fkn ell she iz on bout n tht iz not gr8 coz I ave bttr thngs 2 b doin thn crkin code ffs lol.
Of course I always like to have a go at the education system. School is where we are supposed to learn these basic lessons and I know from my own experience that these lessons are not adequately taught. I also know people who are teachers and they are, without exception so far, stupid and illiterate themselves.
It seems ironic that I’m having a pop at the general lack of language skills. Aside from a handful of Formula 1 magazines I read as a teenager, I didn’t actually read a proper book until I was 20. The books I was given as a child used to get scribbled in or ripped up. So if you spot any glaring mistakes in this article please take note of the above and also be advised that I only received a C in GCSE English.
