My computer will be the death of me
September 2010 |
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As I’m sure every 80’s child will openly admit to, I always used to want that car. Even now as an adult pushing 30 I found myself sitting there thinking ‘how cool would it be to have a black Trans Am with tinted windows and flashing red LED's on the front?’
I have to admit that got me thinking. Back in the early 80’s it was pure childhood fantasy but now, in the second decade of the 21st Century, it probably is possible to build a car that performs most, if not all, of the things K.I.T.T could do.
Let’s look at the facts here. Firstly, it is already possible to have a car that talks to you. I have a SatNav and it not only talks to me but it can tell me how to get to pretty much any destination in Europe and manages to suggest an alternative route when I miss a turning because I was too busy making some tosser in a sports car eat my dust.
Automatic gears are not exactly new any more and other developments have come along like Cruise Control, ABS and Traction control that all leave the driver with less to do because all these operations are controlled by a little computer chip. A lot of cars these days have proximity sensors so the car beeps at you when you get too close to an object. Most modern cars also beep at you when you’ve not put your seatbelt on properly and not turned your lights off after you’ve turned the engine off.
Believe it or not but the technology is already there for a car to drive itself. Using satellite technology, this was successfully demonstrated on a well known circuit at Dunsfold Aerodrome.
There is such a thing as artificial intelligence, which is basically a computer that learns. Rudimentary forms of this can even be found on the Internet. It’s not inconceivable to put some sort of computerized brain into a car and have it “evolve” so to speak and even communicate and interact with the driver much like K.I.T.T from Knight Rider. Hell, even the sort of sarcasm that K.I.T.T displays could be achieved. This is already evident on computers. What with Windows’ “Are you sure?” messages and Google’s patronising “Did you mean?” on their searches, it is entirely possible to have a talking computer that you would end up wanting to kill.
Fundamentally developments in technology have really benefited mankind. However, our increasing reliance on modern technology does leave me slightly worried sometimes. I’ll explain what I mean.
A few years ago a sub station exploded in the town I lived in. I’m not sure whether a man called Achmed was standing anywhere near it at the time but the point is it caused absolute chaos.
The entire town came to a standstill. Supermarkets had to shut down because all their freezers had stopped working and there was no lighting. All the shops had to close because all the tills are electrical and hooked up to their computerized accounting systems, as well as the fact that people who work in shops wouldn’t be able to count anyway. Some people were locked in their office because all the doors were electric. People in their homes had no lighting and couldn’t cook because their cookers were electric as well. Not that they had anything to eat because most food is frozen these days and everything had melted. People couldn’t even wash because their washing machines are all electric and a lot of people have electric boilers. Even those powered by gas still have electronic controls on them.
Of course a power outage means no television and no Internet connection. This would upset a lot of people because they would not only miss Eastenders but they wouldn’t even be able to log onto Facebook to inform all their friends that they have no power.
It has to be said that advances in technology have a lot to do with the poor state of health that is so prevalent now. Let’s face it technology has made people lazy. Most jobs now require people to sit on their backside in front of a computer. Jobs that used to involve manual labour have largely been replaced by machinery. Virtually everybody has at least one car now so they drive everywhere instead of walking. Generally people are getting far less exercise than they used to because computers are doing everything for them. You don’t even have to leave your house to go shopping any more for heaven’s sake.
People no longer grow their own veg because they can get frozen crap from the supermarket. Processed foods and these nasty poisonous ready meals are so much easier to cook anyway and, despite containing more saturates than Rik Waller’s right buttock, people choose to eat them over healthier food and are all fat as a result.
The increase in allergies is another thing I’m convinced is a result of our development in science. By making all these anti-bacterial wipes, soaps with advanced formulae and pills for eradicating this, that and the other, I think our bodies are not building up a natural immunity. Go and play in the dirt for a little while. It’s good for your health.
Then of course there is the social impact. Kids don’t play outside any more. Instead they stay in doors and chat to people on Facebook or MSN and bare their private parts to complete strangers on web cams. Or else they are playing Grand Theft Death Stab Kill Murder Rape 3 on the Xbox Wee or something like that. This would explain why most young people today have no real social skills. Again, go and play in the mud for a while because it’s good for your social development.
Now, mankind survived the last ice age but I’m not so sure we will survive the next major disaster because we are just far too dependent on technology and very few humans are adequately self-sufficient. Still, with the rate of technological developments, I think a giant meteor or Mount Yellowstone is the least of our worries. I think our biggest threat will come from machines rising up and taking over.
For all I trump on about Google taking over the world, I really hope they don’t because the trouble with Google is their stuff works. The human race will be screwed if that is the case. That is why I am now rooting for Microsoft. At least with Microsoft we could just hide underground and wait for the inevitable blue screen of death and message saying that the destroyer of mankind has experienced a fatal exception and needs to close.
