In the words of Lady Gaga...
September 2010 |
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You all know the kind of people I’m talking about. They are the idiots who sit in the middle lane on motorways; the same idiots who drive at 40 miles per hour in a 60 zone and then continue to do 40 when they get into a 30 zone. The same cretins who, at a supermarket checkout, will wait until the cashier has scanned all of their items before they think about filling their bags. They will then spend 3 hours counting the 1 and 2 pence coins they intend to pay with.
The biggest form of ignorance in my opinion is interrupting. I hate it when people interrupt me. It is more than just a pet hate. It makes me want to strangle the living daylights out of people.
It is so unnecessary. Why do people think they have more right so speak than everyone else? It makes having a conversation almost impossible now – so much so that most of the time I don’t even bother. I can see when I’m talking to some people that they are not actually listening to what I’m saying but are listening out for an opportunity to interrupt.
Now, I don’t consider myself to be any sort of comedian or anything but I know how to tell a good joke. I know that the secret behind telling a good joke is in timing. The pacing of the delivery of a joke has a strong impact on its comic effect. It is necessary to put in pauses but this just isn’t possible any more because as soon as people hear a gap in the speech they will jump in and interrupt.
Being interrupted by my phone is another thing that really annoys me. Telephones have to be one of the worst inventions ever. They are so rude. Email and text messages are better because they are less intrusive. It’s a bit like someone standing in your line of sight and making subtle gestures to get your attention. You can acknowledge them and speak when it is convenient for you to do so.
A telephone is a bit like someone barging in on your conversation, patting you on the shoulder and shouting “listen to me, listen to me”. People generally don’t do that because it is deemed rude and they know they’d probably get a punch in the face. Forgive the alliteration here but why in the name of Beyonce’s big bouncy buttocks do people think it’s alright to do it over the phone?
Personally I avoid phoning people at all costs because I don’t know whether or not the person is available. I’d much rather send them a text message so they can respond at their own convenience.
A classic example of how intrusive they can be is with a friend of mine who used to have this uncanny ability to always phone me when I was taking a dump. Initially I just used to ignore the thing and phone him back 2 hours later after I had finished doing my business and the bathroom had been cleared of any toxic fallout. However, just once I decided to answer the phone. His question to why there was such an echo my end was answered by a very satisfying splash followed by en equalling satisfying sigh by yours truly. I don’t think I’ve had a phone call from him since.
The phone is even worse in the workplace. In my professional capacity as a web developer, I find certain customers to be the most ignorant and stupid of all god’s creatures. Let me explain. I will be in the middle of writing a big ream of code which, to put into perspective for those of you who aren’t familiar with programming, is akin to solving algebraic equations whilst simultaneously learning Latin and playing chess.
Anyway, I will receive an email from someone. If I haven’t responded within 5 or 10 minutes I will receive a phone call from the same customer asking if I received their email. They will then repeat the contents of their email to me over the phone and expect me to jump at their command and answer their often stupidly inane question.
Some people just don’t get it. I didn’t reply to the email straight away because I was busy so what the hell makes them think I’m going to be able to speak to them? Also, thanks to their interruption I’ve completely lost the plot and have to spend 10 minutes figuring out what the hell I was doing before they interrupted me!
Some people assume that they will get a quicker response if they phone me. Wrong. The only benefit of phoning me is getting a chance to hear my lovely dulcet tones. The chances of me actually getting the work done are less because I’m only half listening as a result of being busy with more important things. Secondly, I will scribble the request down on a piece of paper and either misplace it or forget about it. Either that or I will not be able to read my own handwriting. Sending me an email is better because it means I’ll have the request documented and will also mean there is less chance of me wanting to rip someone’s throat out.
Customers have a knack for irritating me. There are things I don’t think I’ll ever find the answer to. Firstly, why does the phone never stop ringing as soon as I'm in the office on my own? Secondly, why do people insist on phoning me when I’m in the middle of doing something important? Thirdly, why do people phone me up to ask for my help and then constantly interrupt me when I’m trying to explain things to them?
Seriously, I’ll be there trying to give somebody step by step instructions and they won’t be listening. They will be jumping ahead, butting in and generally not listening to anything I’m telling them. If you aren’t going to listen to what I’ve got to say then why the hell did you phone me in the first place you feckless idiot?!
Oh and another thing. Why do people phone up, having already interrupted me, and simply assume I’ve got the time to answer their stupid questions in the first place? I’m busy so stop calling, I don’t want to speak any more.
