Wreck your future; get an education
September 2009 |
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Now I appreciate that I've probably done more than the average halfwit I went to school with but I am also very self-effacing and not the type of person who likes to boast so I just shrugged, said ‘fair enough mate’ and asked him what he had done in the five years since I had seen him last.
He proceeded to tell me that he had stayed on at school for two more years to do his A Levels, had then gone to University for three years to do a degree and that he was now unemployed, didn’t really know what he wanted to do and was thinking of going back for a fourth year at University to do a Masturbation or something like that. I saw him again about an hour and a half later in the garden, drunk and unconscious and lying in a pool of his own vomit!
Seeing how low and pathetic this guy had become gave me my first of many signs on how sensible I had been to get out of the education system when I did. Now I need to make one thing perfectly clear: I hated school. I detested every minute I was there. Right from when I walked through the door at Playschool right up until I strolled out after my last GCSE exam and burnt my school uniform.
It was when I reached the age of about eight and realised I was more intelligent than most of the teachers I began to question the whole system. Also, why would any adult want to stay in school once they had left education? I can only think of two rational answers to this: Either they have got nothing going for them in life and are afraid of going into the real world or they are a paedophile! Either way, I think they are dubious candidates to teach anything worthwhile to the next generation.
There is no doubt that I was held back at school. For example, I used to be ambidextrous but my infant school teacher told me I had to use one hand or the other. At Junior school I got into a blazing row with my teacher during an English lesson because her correction of my mis-spelling of the word ‘figure’ (I had spelt it ‘figer’ - I was 8!) didn’t make sense: She insisted that I was missing out an ‘n’ and I had to argue until I was blue in the face that if she looked at the context of the sentence, how it was possible for a finger to walk down a street?
At senior school, I had to go underground with my profitable business of selling sweets because the dick-head master banned such practices. So what was the message there? ‘It is against school rules to demonstrate initiative and aptitude in necessary business skills needed in the real world?’ What they were effectively encouraging me to do was run an illegal business. Had I stayed at school I would have probably ended up as a drug dealer!
I went to the Anglo European School, which you would assume would have some sort of emphasis on language. Well no actually. I had a choice of either French or German. I could have taken Spanish or Russian but those lessons were only held during lunch. Oh, they also had an English teacher... who was American. It really was the most wretched hive of a school and I would strongly advise nobody sends their kids there.
The deputy head threatened to suspend me once because one of my retarded friends decided to spark up a joint in the common room and, because I was his friend, I was guilty too. The fact that I have always been against the use of drugs coupled with the fact that I wasn’t even in the same room was completely irrelevant to this stupid and obnoxious bitch.
Then there was the farce of the ‘careers advisor’. Firstly I am dubious about anyone whose choice of career is to advise others on what do for a living... err based on what experience matey? Secondly what qualifications does one need to be a careers adviser exactly?
I remember my meeting with this guy vividly. He sat me down and asked what I wanted to do when I left school. When I told him I wanted to be a racing driver I got the rolled eyes expression, which was to be expected. I then explained to him that, apart from the fact that I was already racing with a fair amount of success, I had chosen specific subjects for my GCSE’s based on a future in the industry, I had organised my own work experience with the British Rally champions, I had successfully enrolled myself for a mechanics apprenticeship to gain experience of cars, I was enrolling in a racing scholarship two years down the line, I knew exactly how much it was going to cost and how I was going to raise the money. I spent another five minutes reeling off a list of my proposed plans and how I hoped to achieve my goals.
Now I was only fifteen at the time. How many fifteen year olds even know what they want to do let alone have set out a five year plan? To his credit, he did a good job of pretending to listen to me before asking if I had considered going to University.
Back in the day, University was meaningful. Only the brightest went and they studied real subjects like Maths, Physics, English and Economics. Nowadays, however, you can get a degree in pretty much anything: knitting, shoe tying, TV watching... Schools just like to send you to University because it looks good on their records.
I spent a few days a week at college during my apprenticeship. I remember a guy I was friends with wanted to study law at University but didn’t get the necessary grades so, instead of retaking his A Levels, plumped for a degree in sociology. After spending three years abusing his liver and snorting white powder, he emerged and took a job stacking shelves in the local supermarket. I hear he is now a team leader at McDonalds!
Come to think of it, I don’t know many people from my generation who have gone to University and achieved anything significant. The teachers haven’t fared much better: My junior school teacher who didn’t know the difference between a finger and a figure ended up being married to a paedophile and I heard the head master at my senior school had an affair with his secretary and ultimately suffered a fatal heart attack (I really hope not at the same time!)
So my conclusion is that if you're partial to a bit of buggery go to boarding school. If you are a paedophile stay on at school and become a teacher. If, on the other hand, you are directionless and have no idea what to do with your life, go to University.
