Two wrongs don't make an equal right

 

April 2010

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In a previous life I had a job that required me to get on a train and commute to work. It wasn't a very long train journey but nevertheless in the short time I did it I became proficient at knowing exactly where to stand on the platform so the doors would stop right in front of me.

This was fine apart from the fact that every morning this grizzled old bag who looked like the emperor from Star Wars used to barge in front of me, and everyone else on the platform, just so that she could take up her place right by the door and be the first to get off. This used to annoy the crap out of me so I took great delight in deliberately blocking her way and listening to her huffing and puffing behind me as I took my time to step into the carriage.

Once, however, the train driver was obviously more focused on his next strike than applying the brake and overshot his marks by a few feet. This allowed Palpatine to have a clear run at the doors. Refusing to be deterred, I instead turned it to my advantage and pushed in front of her, to which her reaction was to chastise me for being ungentlemanly and question whatever happened to ‘ladies first’. Using my legendary diplomacy, I gently pointed out that it doesn’t exist any more due to some lesbians back in the sixties burning their bras and creating something called equal rights.

Now I’m sorry but there is no such thing as equal rights because not everybody in this world is equal. There are some fundamental differences between men and women that can’t be ignored: Men can’t give birth, women can’t park, the only men that enjoy shopping are homosexuals. These are facts.

I hate feminists and I think people like Germaine Greer should have been drowned at birth. Anyone who claims that men treat women as inferior is an idiot. Women have the same rights as men and have done for years. I certainly can’t think of anything that women are prohibited from doing.

So many people are making a big fuss about trying to get a female driver in Formula 1 because it is deemed by many to be dominated by men. Well there are several reasons for that. Firstly, fewer women are interested in cars than men and consequently don’t get involved in the first place. Secondly, there are significant physiological differences between males and females that would prevent them from ever being able to compete on a completely equal setting and thirdly, most females who have competed in motor racing over the years have been crap! Men and women compete separately in virtually every other sport and there is a reason for that.

I agree that everyone should be given an equal opportunity but the problem is that not everyone is capable of making the most of opportunities for one reason or another. There are just some ignorant people out there who refuse to accept it and want more than just equality.

It doesn’t stop with sexism either. Race is still a hot topic and some black people are still claiming that they are being discriminated against in this country. I really dispute this. For instance, did you know that there is a black police association? What they hell is that about? Firstly the police are supposed to be the ones who deal with these kinds of intolerances and could you imagine the fuss that would be caused if someone had the audacity to create a white police association? It would lead to World War III.

Just over a year ago, a London branch of the National Black Police Association urged black people and those from ethnic minorities not to join the force, and announced a boycott of any recruitment drive by the Met to attract candidates from ethnic minorities. Now in any other situation, an employer would be well within his (or her) rights to sack that man (or woman) for a display of such public disloyalty but not so in this case because if they had tried, this mad man (or woman) would scream racial abuse and end up winning a gazillion pounds in compensation, which by the way, would ultimately come out of the tax payers’ pockets.

The homosexual community is another one that is never satisfied (maybe I should re-phrase that). The age of consent is now the same as it is for the non-gay community, they are now allowed to get married and in some places even adopt children. In other words, they have the same legal rights as straight people.

Despite this, a large number of them continue to go on gay pride marches to remind everybody that they are different while at the same time demanding that they are not to be treated differently. Again, imagine if it was the other way around: A straight pride march would be deemed homophobic and all participants would be arrested by the apparently racist police force.

I couldn't believe it last year when I read Kerry Fletcher, a lesbian serving in the army, was awarded £200,000 compensation for harassment. Not so long ago neither women nor homosexuals were allowed to serve in the armed forces, presumably because women would have been deemed a distraction from the sexually deprived males and homosexuals would get confused over the military use of the word "Roger". Now here we had this insatiable tart screwing an obscene amount of money out of the people who have sworn their lives to protect us mere mortals.

I would like to point out that I don’t have anything against gay people. I believe it is something a person is born with and I think what people get up to behind closed doors is their own business. It personally isn’t my cup of tea; I wouldn’t stick petrol in an exhaust pipe so why would I want to stick my genitals into someone’s bottom? However, I don’t agree with same sex couples adopting. Apart from the inevitable bullying the children will get at school from children who don’t know any better, I think a child needs a balance of paternal and maternal care.

Now personally when I get married I would prefer to be in a situation where I go out to work and my wife stays at home and looks after the children. Not because I am in any way sexist but I just think it is best for the children to have one parent at home all the time in their early years and I believe the mother is better suited because of their natural maternal instincts and sensitivity that men cannot possibly possess.

Sadly, however, there are so few jobs out there that pay enough to allow one parent to stay at home because more women are demanding better jobs and companies are having to pay more and more compensation to harassed gay people. As a result, I am going to have to hire a female nanny who is an old, fat, black, disabled, homosexual ginger just so that I cover all the angles and cannot be accused of discrimination.