Just a load of waffle

April 2013

Apparently the Chinese authorities think I have valuable U.S. government secrets on my servers at work because I’ve recently been the victim of a number of attacks from Chinese hackers. Fortunately I am clever and managed to prevent them from doing anything harmful and the server is now more secure than ever. Still, it caused me a few days of stress and additional work that I really didn’t need.

Scumbags who hack into computers, create Trojans and viruses should be nailed to a tree and stabbed to death with blunt pencils. They are among the most heinous individuals on earth. The sad thing is that they are actually very intelligent so why they can’t focus their intellect and skills on more productive things is beyond me.

The sad fact is that humans have a natural instinct to kill and destroy. This can be seen in everyday life with various religions, cultures and races blowing each other up on a daily basis.

It is part of our natural make-up and we have to fight against annihilation before we are even born. The woman’s body tries destroying its baby at every opportunity. Her body attacks the sperm immediately, leaving only one in a million able to get to the egg. Her body then attacks the embryo and basically it is a battle of wills between the egg and the body until the thing is born.

Given how unlikely the chance of survival is, I find it amazing how easily the human race spreads. I recently watched a documentary presented by the fine human specimen that is Dr. Alice Roberts. She sensually explained how the human race started in Africa and within a few tens of thousands of years we had evolved and spread all over the surface of the globe. Do you know what else does this? A virus.

There are some very obvious comparisons between the human virus and medical viruses. Muslim extremists are quite clearly the AIDS of the world, Americans are the Heart Disease and North Korea is the Cancer. Even a small mole like Kim Jong Un can develop into a malignant melanoma that will ultimately threaten to Nuke all mankind.

Of course there are those loyal to him who will claim he is a great leader but the simple fact is that he is little more than a moody looking version of the bloke who sings Gangnam Style. There have been a number of great world leaders over the years and he is not one of them. This brings me goose-stepping onto a subject that has been dominating the news over the last few days, and that is the death of Margaret Thatcher. The impending Nuclear War between North Korea and the West has paled into insignificance. The threat posed by an angry little man with an inferiority complex and questionable haircut means nothing compared to the country’s first and only female Prime Minister who divided opinion like no other. Some thought she was an evil witch and the niece of Satan himself and others thought she was the best Prime Minister since that dog who sells insurance. My personal opinion is that spending £10 million on a funeral when the country hasn’t got any money is a bit over the top.

Whatever the differing opinions are, I think the imbeciles who are planning on protesting at her funeral should be arrested and given a good kicking for their lack of respect for a stiff. Ignoring the fact that most of these would-be protesters probably weren’t even alive during her time in office, what actually is there left to protest about? It’s been over 20 years since she left office and since then the country has been brought to its knees again by Labour.

The Brits just like to have a good moan. It’s what we are best at. This is why I’m so surprised at the lack of fuss being kicked up over Facebook’s latest change to members’ profiles. Last year they upset the entire world by introducing the Timeline layout but somehow have managed to slip their latest revised layout in without anyone noticing. Of course, not everyone has it yet. As usual, they are sneaking it in country by country and it seems to revert back to the current layout at will. It’s basically the same but the navigation across the top is slightly different and they’ve made certain parts of the “About Me” harder to find. They’ve probably also violated a dozen more privacy laws.

It seems to be part of a ream of changes and new things the social networking giant is releasing. In an attempt to keep his disgruntled shareholders happy, Mark Zuckerberg has announced a new payment gateway, mainly with the aim of charging stalkers to message celebrities (no, really!) and this new Facebook Home thing which is something designed to basically make your smart phone do nothing other than connect to Facebook.

Because they seem to be trying to piss people off, coupled with the fact they have just become scarily powerful, many people have made it their mission to tear Facebook apart. Google has been dealing with it for years. However, no one seems to be making noises about Amazon. As they quietly watch while the two super-powers vie for world domination, they are secretly planning world domination of their own. What with the Kindle, cloud services, self-publishing services and advertising services, they are a force to be reckoned with.

They are not averse to pissing people off either. Recently they have started removing book reviews for no reason and randomly not paying associates by claiming that purchases were made “using an associated account”. Well, it has pissed me off anyway. Almost as much as Kim Jong Un and Chinese hackers.

Despite these sites seemingly pissing off the entire world, you can be assured that, whatever they do next, they will continue to grow in power and still somehow manage to become more popular. It’s a skill Maggie had. RIP.