There are a few destinations on my list of places never to visit. These are (in no particular order) Columbia, The North Pole, The South Pole, within 50 feet of Nicki Minaj, anywhere in the Middle East, a Mosque, prison, Alabama, Texas or anywhere in Africa.
I especially don't ever want to go to South Africa because I don't like the idea of getting mugged and shot by taxi drivers. I don't particularly want to go anywhere else because of the risk of catching some hideous disease or getting my identity stolen by some con artist.
From: Joseph Obagana <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Sent: June 17, 2015 08:40 AM
To: Eddie Hall
Hello Sir hall
My name is Barrister Joseph Obagana, I contacted you in good faith the
proposal i have for you in regards of my late client Engr Henry.L.Hall, Please respond back to me for more details on the reason why i contacted you. Please contact me on my personal email address (email@example.com) for more details and information's you may need,
Barrister Joseph Obagana (Esq)
From: Eddie Hall
Sent: June 23, 2015 10:55 AM
Hello Barrister Joseph Obagana,
What proposal do you have about my uncle Henry L. Hall? Is it a proposal on how to stop him being late? He's always late and we're all kind of used to it now. In fact when we arrange to meet up, we always tell him we're going to arrive at the destination six hours earlier than we plan to be there so that way he arrives on time. That worked fine until last year when we arranged to meet up just after the clocks went back and he was left waiting around on his own for an hour. He didn't like that because it was raining really hard and I'd told him to meet me in the middle of a field so we could conduct an illegal trade of drugs where there would be no witnesses. Unfortunately, the bags of cocaine he brought with him got saturated and I refused to pay him. He told me his employers would be very unhappy with him if he returned with several bags of ruined charlie and no cash. I haven't seen or heard from him since.
If you have any information on his whereabouts, I'd be very interested.
Sir Eddie Hall (B.s.c, S.s.c, C.u.n.t)
Sent: June 23, 2015 12:37 PM
To: Eddie Hall
Dear Mr Hall,
Thanks for responding to my inheritance funds proposal letter .
I am sending you my passport copy for your review.
I am happy to write this letter to you in strict confidence and I know that you will be surprised reading this letter since we've never met . My name is (Barr),Joseph Obagana. I'm a lawyer,I live and practice law in the Republic of Togo located in west Africa region.
I am writing you this letter in good faith in relation to my late client,Engr Henry.L.Hall, who was working as Former Ecowas Chief engineer director and has lived in Togo for almost 4 years before his untimely death in April 30, 2010, in a terrible accident which claimed his life, along with those of his wife and only son , In regards of this tragic death of my late client , now I'm faced a new challenge and a moral questions from the bank and court where my late client has his legal inheritance funds and landing properties documents , because their is no survivors, family members, or who any relative who can claim the funds and properties of my late client from the bank and court .
As the personal lawyer of my late client , I was the closest person to him when he was alive, I have worked with him in all his business projects in my professional capacity. So I called to intercede for your cooperation, as well as your surname is the same with the deceased surname and this will grant you huge benefit and assurance to reclaim funds from financial institutions, to our mutual benefit, I have been in search for any relative or family members so i decide to get in contact with you through my search on Internet. The combination of the fact that I was his lawyer and your name as the same surname will actually allows us to reclaim the inheritance funds an amount at the bank of worth Seven million six hundred and Ninety thousand dollars plus a percentage of the real estate housing properties document here in my country.
My idea is that the two of us to share this amount with accrued interest, at an agreed ratio, when the bank here approve you as the rightful next of kin, because we need each other to make it happen. I will have access to all necessary legal documents that will be used to back up any claim we decided to do with money and if any questions or suspicions will arise at any time from financial institutions since i was his only personal attorney until his death. You will always seek advise from me so that we can work as partners and achieve this transaction .
After the death of my late client Engr Henry.L.Hall,The bank where the inheritance funds and assets of my late client is deposit instructed me to provide only one rightful next of kin who can claim the inheritance funds and assets of my late client to enable the bank here to keep their record and instructions given by my late client when he was alive , The bank instructed that if i should provide any next of kin with the same surname to my late client or they will confiscate all his assets and inheritance funds at the bank , So i face a great challenge of your trust and interest to work with me on this issue, I am a honest man and like you to be honest and also cooperate with me on this transaction inheritance .
Meanwhile, I should not tell you this, because it's like a personal problem, but to let you know how serious this is true, but also because of your interest and trust that we both need this transaction, I have to tell you . My wife has a kidney infection and needs a kidney transplant. Our doctor instructed us to visit India for surgery but since i can not afford the expenses right now i decide to contact you so that we can lay a claim of my late client funds at the bank, All my hope to save my wife health is in this transaction. I have already spent my life savings money trying to give my life for as long as you make changes. So please, I want you to give me your word that you are not going to make it my last hope disappears under the threat of the deal.
I guarantee that this will be done in accordance with the legal agreement which does not involve a violation of the law.I would like to be ready for us to discuss the terms of participation in order to protect our various interests.
If you agree with this proposal, kindly get back to me with your name, address, phone number, email address, so we can discuss the appropriate relation to this transaction. Do you know English?
Formally apply for and complete a statement of claim to the bank on your behalf, you need to confirm the following information:
Full names: ....................
full home address: ...........
Mobile Phone: ................
Type of work (occupation): .......
I want to assure you right away, I put the transaction will not last more than two weeks. I look forward to your urgent response to this request, I will send you more details and documents after i receive your details .
Barrister Joseph Obagana (Esq)
From: Eddie Hall
Sent: June 23, 2015 13:49 PM
Subject: RE: DETAILS
Hello again Barrister. Can I call you Barry for short? Thanks Barry.
I'm so sorry to hear my uncle died. I wasn't expecting that at all. Actually that's not true, I suspected he might have been bumped off by the African mafia because of the aforementioned drug deal that went sour. How did they kill him? Was it with spears? Seven million is a lot of money. I mean I knew he was rich but I didn't realise he'd embezzled that much money. I should have suspected something when he bought me an aeroplane.
Anyway, your investigative skills in finding me are incredible. I mean there can't be many people in the world with the surname of Hall so you did well to find me, especially as I am on the run myself for hacking into the CIA mainframe and stealing loads of government secrets. I'm dealing with Sherlock Holmes here.
I have to admit I only glanced at the rest of your email because it was a bit long and the poor attempt at English gave me a nosebleed but it certainly sounds legitimate and my instincts tell me you are very trustworthy. I'm usually a very good judge of character. For example, last week I was out dogging and I walked up to this car that didn't have steamed up windows. My hunch told me it was an undercover policeman and I was right. I tried explaining that to the judge but I was told if I didn't shut up he would hold me in contempt of court and bring back the death penalty.
I'm really sorry to hear about your wife's kidney problem. You should have taken the kidney out of my late uncle after he died. I know he filled out an organ donor card because he used to use it to make lines of coke and snort it through a straw. Actually, using his kidneys probably wouldn't have been a good idea because I don't know what sniffing cocaine does to kidneys. I'm sure a medical expert could tell me. I'll phone emergency services and ask them. They like it when I do that.
Right, so I've filled out your very official looking application form below:
Full names: Sir Edmund Hilary Lucifer Banana Jimbob Arthur Spactoid Jibblet Hall the third (Mrs)
full home address: A Swamp, Dagobah, THX 1138
Mobile Phone: What's a mobile phone?
Type of work (occupation): Drug dealer and CEO at rent-a-turd
As for your question asking if I speak English, unfortunately I don't. Do you? How many languages can you speak. I'm fluent in Pikey if that helps.
Thanks Barry and I look forward to your reply.
Sent: June 23, 2015 14:47 PM
To: Eddie Hall
Subject: MORE GUARANTEE
Dear Mr Hall
Thanks for your mail,
I appreciate your interest in providing comprehensive assistance in this transaction with me and your help to save the life of my sick wife and I want to assure you that your efforts are not in vain because the whole process of inheritance are legitimate and safe.
Please note that all I want from you as the next of kin and beneficiary of unclaimed property and funds of my late client. Of course, I know you might be related to each other and do not even know ( Late Henry.L.Hall ) but I want you to put the claim to the money as their own, so that the money will be credited to the your account in your country.
Please can you give me your word of honor to the following points are outlined below. They are:.
1.You do not deceive me in this transaction.
2.My their share of the money you'll be in good hands, until I come to your country to share information and further investment.
3.That you will keep this transaction very confidential, even with his best friend, to ensure the safety of both parties.
4.That you should always contact me when you get the information from financial institutions, so that we come together as a family and get this deal completed successfully.
You can always consult with me as a lawyer representative of my late client, when you get any response from the bank, You will follow my instructions and rules on how to act in the sequence of the process, so that we will not intervene in local or international law. I guarantee that this will be done in accordance with the legal agreement, which does not entail a violation of the law of your country.
Accordingly, I guarantee that you will not be in danger / risk of violating international law and domestic law, and you will not have any problems now or in the future as a result of this transaction.
As for our share of 40% agreement for you and 40% for me, 20% goes to a charity home, after inheriting the money credited to your bank account and you keep my share with you until I will visit your country and take my share, because I have some plans to invest in your country with a good investments company.
I would appreciate it if you trust me, I'm an honest man, I'm just a lawyer of my late client and I have all the legal documents that will lead the successful of this transaction .
This deal will take about 11 days or less and the inheritance funds will credit to your account . But as soon as your application is approved by the bank , the transaction will begin .
As soon as I receive your reply, I will go to the bank and make you a letter demands that you fill out and send to the bank.
God bless you and your family.
From: Eddie Hall
Sent: June 23, 2015 15:01 PM
Subject: RE: MORE GUARANTEE
I think we need to renegotiate the split. I was thinking more 90% for me and 10% for you. I mean 10% of 7 million is still 700,000 which I'm sure is more than enough to pay for a kidney.