Uber Announces Revolutionary Plan To Eliminate Managers By Simply Not Having Any

Uber has announced plans to cut approximately 3,300 corporate jobs in an ambitious attempt to simplify its management structure, prompting executives to ask the obvious question: *How did we end up with 3,300 people whose primary job appears to have been moving emails between other people?*

The ride-hailing giant says the restructuring will reduce management layers, eliminate hundreds of tiny teams and give remaining managers more direct responsibility.

“This is a bold new era,” said Uber CEO Dara Khosrowshahi, standing beneath a flowchart so complicated that three consultants have reportedly been trapped inside it since Tuesday.

“We realised that an employee shouldn’t need to speak to seven different people before being allowed to change the font on a spreadsheet.”

Uber said some employees were more than seven organisational layers removed from the CEO, a discovery that surprised executives because nobody was aware the company had a seventh layer.

“We thought the building only had six floors,” admitted one senior executive.

The company will also reduce the number of “micro-teams”, some of which reportedly consisted of one employee, their manager and an unfortunate-looking ficus.

One such team, the Strategic Alignment and Cross-Functional Synergy Unit, was reportedly responsible for determining which other departments should be responsible for deciding what the Strategic Alignment and Cross-Functional Synergy Unit actually did.

It has now been disbanded.

The news has been welcomed by Uber employees, although several admitted they were unsure whether they had been made redundant because nobody had yet worked out who was supposed to tell them.

“I've received an email saying my position has been eliminated,” said one employee. “Then another saying the email has been escalated to my manager.”

“I've got four managers.”

The restructuring comes despite Uber continuing to perform strongly, leading some employees to question why companies invariably decide to reorganise themselves immediately after discovering that things are going quite well.

Uber has also confirmed that most employees will be required to work from the office three days a week, apparently so managers can personally observe the remaining employees being efficient.

The company said the changes would allow it to make decisions faster.

It is currently awaiting approval from the committee responsible for approving faster decision-making.

The committee is expected to meet next Thursday.